The Fog | Anonymous
Often I’m consumed with this horrible feeling that everything will go wrong, maybe because it often does.
I slip into these periods of utter dread and sometimes I struggle to even leave my bed.
I sleep the days away and neglect everything around me. It starts small and I feel myself slipping into it and don’t do much about it. There’s not much I can do.
It starts with the way I look, I break everything down about myself and how I’ll never feel good about my own body. I’ll never like how I’m supposed to look.
Then I stop doing the little things around the house, the tidying stops, the dinner stops being made and everything is left.
The house goes silent.
I then move on to the stage where I stop replying to friends, I ignore messages for weeks on end even to my closest friends.
They don’t expect a reply sometimes and it’s not as if they don’t do anything to stop me from going to this dark place, they just know it’s what I do.
The fog then comes and it’s as if I just give up slightly, I don’t want to do anything or be here but I don’t do anything about that. It’s as if I’m stuck in the middle of the road and I’m scared to move. I’m scared I’ll make the wrong decision. There’s oncoming traffic and everyone is bustling around me. But I’m still, so so still.
I fret about everything, bills that have been paid but need to be paid again next month, my bank balance, plans that I need to cancel, the packages that I’ll never return to the post office and all these things are very simple.
Simple things can be dealt with.
Then the big things come, the health scares, the death and I’m fine.
So why do I put myself through the fog when I know I can get out? I know that life will be fine and will return to normality for a split second.
Because that’s what the fog does. It consumes you and cripples you to a point that you don’t believe in yourself.
This was sent to us as an anonymous submission.